Moving Forward, Mostly
by Angelus1
Summary: Logan, several months after Max's death, through Krit's eyes


Title: Moving Forward, Mostly  
  
Author: Angelus  
  
E-mail: angelus1317@hotmail.com (Please put "Moving Forward, Mostly" on the subject line.)  
  
Subject: Dark Angel  
  
Category: A  
  
Rating: G  
  
Summary: Logan, several months after Max's death, through Krit's eyes.  
  
Spoilers: "And Jesus Brought A Casserole"  
  
Archive: Anywhere, just ask me first.  
  
Disclaimer: Max, Logan, Krit, Syl, Bling, Cindy, Herbal, Kendra, Normal, Sketchy, etc, are the property of James Cameron, Charles Eglee, Cameron-Eglee Productions, and the Fox network. I don't own them. But I'd like to own Logan - does that count?! They are used here without permission (big surprise), so don't sue.  
  
Author's notes: The title is taken from an Angel story by Daisy5. Considering the twenty million reviews I've left her, I don't think she's going to mind very much.  
  
Dedication: To Lindsay. I fear you!  
  
~*~  
  
We're doing pretty good, I think, under the circumstances. Max has been gone for over six months now and, though it felt for awhile like the world wouldn't go on, it has. Max is an irreplaceable part of all of our lives, but the pain is slowly fading away until, we can only hope, one day we will be able to think of her without tears in our eyes.  
  
By the "our", I mean not only me, but also Syl, Logan, Cindy, Kendra, Sketchy, Herbal, Bling, and, I think, even Normal. You see - Syl and I decided to hang around for awhile. Seattle managed to stay out of Lydecker's radar long enough for Max, so why not for the two of us? We're both beginning to see all the little things she loved about the city besides Logan. Especially the Space Needle that we visit at least three to four times a week.  
  
Logan. The poor guy. He's taken it harder than any of us. He loved Max so much, and it shines through loud and clear each and every day just how lost he is without her. Everyone's doing their best to help him out, but he pushes them all away. He drinks, much more than he should, and he hasn't done a cable hack since she's been gone.   
  
Syl and I stayed with him for a few months, but finally we got our own place. Every once and awhile, we'll go over there. We cook him dinner, but he rarely eats it. He's shoved Bling away, he's taken the exoskeleton off and is back in the chair, and hasn't shaved in weeks. I don't know if he's even showered either - I don't wanna get close enough to smell. In short, he's a mess. I mean, we knew Max's death would hit him hard. After all, the guy was head over heels for her - might as well have put a collar around his neck and handed Maxie the chain. But I guess, with how calm and collected he normally is, we never thought it would hit him *this* hard. Never thought he would fall apart.  
  
I don't know what it's like to have my world ripped right out from underneath my feet. At the moment, I really wish I did, so I could help this guy out, but I don't. I mean, sure, it got a bit complicated when we escaped from Manticore and were forced out into the world. But on a large scale? Wasn't really that scary. Because that's what we were trained for - to blend in, to adapt quickly to any situation. Past that, I've had a fairly easy life. No heartbreaks - I've always kept my distance. Easier that way. Other than a few one-night stands, fooling around with Syl every once and awhile, and an occasional blind date, I can count on one hand the number or relationships I've had; none of which have lasted more than a week and a half.  
  
And while cutting myself off keeps things eternally simpler, a part of me deeply envies what my little sister seems to have had. I look at Logan sometimes, and instead of seeing a pathetic recluse who can't function in real life, all I see is a man who is so filled with so much deep, unconditional love for one person that he has no room left inside for anything else.  
  
I want that - I want to feel that way about someone, have them feel the same way about me. I want to find someone I connect with. Someone who sleeps like a normal person, who isn't plagued by nightmares and personal, inner demons. Maybe that somebody's out there - that one person that can take me, flawed as I am, and love me like Logan loved Max, that can understand and accept all that I've been through in my relatively short life. Maybe. But looking for her just seems like such a waste of time. If she's out there, I'll find her. In the meantime, I have a mission: to set Logan Cale back on the right path. Not for me, but for Max.   
  
Friends and women come and go, but family?   
  
That's forever. 


End file.
